How Do People Learn?

The BF and I were chatting on the drive home yesterday and he asked me about my top three extreme sexual acts. Extreme is such a relative word. I did not know if he meant it in terms of roughness, dirtiness, or kinkiness. I did not really have an answer for him right then – nor do I now really. Everything is sort of lumped into one category for me. They all provide elevated excitement. I also have a difficult time viewing anything I do as extreme anymore. It all seems normal to me and I forget that not everyone shares my view.

We then got into a high-level conversation about my experience and what other partners brought (or did not bring) to the table. He has some negative views that I wish I could change his perception on. He believes that he has nothing he can teach me – he is the one learning. Obviously, I was not born with the knowledge I have, I gained it over time and with experience.

That sparked my own thoughts. I began thinking to myself, trying to recall my own stages of progression. How did I learn? I began reflecting on various actions and tried to remember how it was that I learned I liked it. How do others learn? Do others most often learn by chance or seek out an “instructor”?

Knowing what I came up with in my thoughts is just another road in the background that leads us to how I got where I am…

Exhibitionism – I learned this at the age of 14 and my very first sexual experience. I was back in town visiting family and friends. I was in a long-distance relationship at the time and had not seen my BF in months. My grandma and his mother agreed to let him stay the night as long as I had another girlfriend stay the night too. All three of us slept in the living room. If I was ever going to get the opportunity to have sex with him that was going to be it. I initiated it. However, there was nowhere else to make it happen so it would have to be right there in front of my friend. When we were done my friend immediately got up to go to the restroom. I did not feel bad or embarrassed. I giggled, cuddled next to my BF, and went to sleep.

Again, around the age of 15, I was at a party with a guy I liked. We went into the other room to have some privacy. In the middle of having sex, his best friend walked in to offer him some of the joint they were passing around. We stopped for a minute to participate then went right back to it. His friend still stood there. I was not embarrassed or ashamed. I realized I was slightly excited.

Pictures/Videos – I learned this also around the age of 15. I was hanging out at a friend’s house with a few people. We were all listening to music and dancing in the living room. My guy friend told me he had something he wanted to show me. We went down into the basement and there were bags of women’s clothing. Lingerie, skimpy summer attire, swimsuits, and dancer gear. The clothes were so fun looking, I wanted to try them on. He told me it was no problem. I grabbed a couple outfits and went into one of the other rooms. Of course, I came out to model them. He told me to hold on and ran upstairs to grab a camera. For the next few hours, we had a “photo session”. I loved it. I felt sexy, alive, and playful.

Girls – I was 15 when I kissed my first girl. I was moving back home from California and I was spending the day with my best friend saying goodbye. We spent the day shopping and playing by the beach. Before it was time for us to part ways, we decided to get photo booth pictures to remember each other by. The first four pictures snapped while we made silly faces and laughed. We planned the second set to be better for display. After the second picture, she said we should have one of each of us giving the other a kiss. The next two pictures snapped and we both learned that other girls turn us on.

AnalI learned this when I was 16 or 17. I had been with my BF for two years. Our sexual activity was becoming repetitive. I still had an enormous amount of desire for him but I was getting bored, as was he. We began to incorporate porn with our activities. We would discover different positions and activities to try. My love for anal AND porn was born.

Porn See above

Golden Showers – I learned this when I was 30. This is the second to newest sexual activity added to my experiences. I have adamantly rejected this for as long as I can remember. There is a vulnerability that I refused to provide to just anyone. Finally, on my honeymoon, I felt comfortable enough to agree. Since then, I have remained extremely selective when it comes to participants. Note that I am only on a receiving end of this. I do not ever foresee a time that the role would be reversed. In addition, I have an extremely shy bladder!

Fisting I learned this when I was 27. A guy I was hanging out with at the time had an extreme fetish for this. I had nothing against it. I knew about it but I had never been in a situation to try it out. In reality, I did not think there was any way things would physically fit together. During one of our “shower time confessionals” (more on this another time) it was brought up as an extremely strong desire – almost need. The first time was extremely uncomfortable due to the enlarged size of everything on his body including his hands. However, I will typically give things a couple tries to ensure that it really is a dislike. With some minor adjustments it quickly became a favorite of mine.

I am out of writing time for now. The above list is just a sample of the thoughts from yesterday. I will include more as I have time in the future. Please feel free to share any thoughts/comments.

Till next time ~ D

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