I have to give credit where credit is due. My guy has kept up with he end of the deal. He is trying so hard to gain a better understanding of me sexually.
As I briefly mentioned before, we are on two different playing fields when it comes to sex. We have grown in progressive stages over the last two-years. I get a thrill from the more aggressive style of sex. I want to be bound and tied. I want to be smacked, choked, and rough. I can cross between submissive and dominant roles but I am most comfortable in a submissive role. I prefer a man who is sexually assertive and adventurous.
I have always known that my guy had it in him. However, like a lot of men, he has been conditioned by previous partners through his life to believe that his interests and fantasies are disgusting and abnormal. It has been a challenge to overcome that mindset (a fun challenge) but over the last couple years we have dabbled in choking, smacking, rough grips. Our use of toys and props has remained limited.
As part of our repair plan he gave me the green light to expose more of my sexual self and interests. I agreed that I had the ability to give us the nudge we needed. Over the last week he has surprised me by taking his own initiative. He has began to learn about BDSM and the many variations of. The other day while we were on break he asked me what it was about these things that gave me pleasure. It was a genuine effort to understand what it was that turned me on and what he could do to achieve those results. To tell you the truth I could not believe it. I was wet just talking to him about it
I felt a restored desire and confidence that I have been lacking for a long time now. I felt a familiar sexual power filling my body – almost like the meter of a charging battery. I was super charged. I felt like me (the old me) for the first time in the last year and a half! I knew that he was willing to learn with me but I still had to take the introduction slow. He worries that he will not meet my expectations and/or will not know what to do. I have assured him that I will guide us with delicacy and asked him to have faith in how well I know him and us.
I have no words to explain how good I was feeling and how much sexier he appeared to me. I could not wait to feel his body against mine. I could not wait to have his dick. I got back to my desk feeling horny to a point that my pussy was throbbing and hurting. Thinking about how long I was going to have to wait before I could feel him was killing me. Not only did I have another two hours at work but then I had an hour drive home followed by 3 hours at basketball games. There was no way in hell I was going to make it that long.
Work was quiet and everyone around me was gone, with the exception of my babes 10 feet away at his desk. I only had to think for a few seconds – yes, I was doing this. I scooted my chair as close to my desk as comfortably possible. My right hand was already resting on my lap so it was easy to side it into my pants. Thank goodness I was wearing stretchable pants! I reclined in my chair and let the thoughts of him dance through my head. I did not make a sound, which was extremely hard when I came. It felt amazing. I giggled a few times then sent him a text to let him know what he did to me. I wanted more but now I could wait.
The rest of the day and evening took forever. Once we were settled in for the evening he told me that he wanted me to lay on the couch with my shirt off so he could just kiss me and play with me. I was soaked all over again and feeling that rush of desire. As I laid on the couch with my shirt off he proceeded to kiss me and place my tits in his mouth. However, he did not proceed with his normal methods. He seeked information about what felt best and how hard to bite or grab. We had an informative play session that did NOT feel instructional. Everything still flowed smooth and felt lustful. As he played, I again found my hand down my pants. I could not believe how swollen and excited I was. I did not want him to stop kissing and playing but he had to feel what I was feeling. I could not last any longer feeling his hands and mouth on me – I exploded! I felt so connected with him. I could not be close enough. If I could have crawled inside him it still would not have been close enough. The desire and closeness was back but intensified to an astronomical level. I guess all I really needed was to feel him try to understand me and to be set free from confinement.
After I got off he did not stop kissing me. His body was pressed on mine and his kissing was filled with lust. They were rapid and hard moving across my body. I could feel it building in me again. Before I knew what was happening I came again. What? Did that just happen? Did I really just come from kissing alone?
That has only happened one time in my life almost 13 years ago. For 13 years that orgasm has remained in the #1 spot of best orgasms. I have been seeking it since but have never found a sexual connection strong enough – UNTIL NOW. I cannot believe it, that type of orgasm has been my elusive unicorn. I have captured my unicorn.
After a little smoke break it was time for me to initiate guidance into the doors of my sexual realm. I wanted his dick down my throat but I also wanted to put him in control of a leash that was attached to a choker collar around my neck. I was nervous about approaching him with it because he has never seen those parts of me. What if it changed everything and the way he viewed me? He already knew about all of it but knowing and seeing are two very different things. I could not just spring it on him because it would throw him off and I promised I would be delicate.
I faced him and told him that I wanted his dick down my throat and I wanted to introduce him to the feeling of power. I explained that I wanted to place the choker collar around my neck and have him pull on the leash while his dick was in my mouth. I wanted him to be in control of how far my head went down on his dick and how hard. This was the turning point – he could possibly say no. See he has a very strong, but understandable, aversion to using any toy or prop that another man has been involved with. I have no issues with that but all of the props and toys I own used for rougher sex are from a time before him. We do not have our own yet because we have not been prepared to venture down that path.
I requested that this be a one time favor and that he allow me to use a collar that I already had. This would be the last time that it was used and if he was comfortable after the fact then we could get our own. To be honest, I wanted it so bad that if he said no I would have went that very instant to get a new one.
He agreed. I pulled him onto me while we were still laying on the couch. I just wanted to kiss him and rub him to put his mind at ease and reassure him that everything will be done together. I went into the bedroom and grabbed the collar and leash out of the toy box. I held up the collar to show him where the connecting rings should be positioned depending on our position and the effect he was trying to achieve (rings to the back of the neck if I’m below the position of his hands & rings in the front of the neck if I’m above the position of his hands). I stood face to face with him and slid the collar over my head. His first pull was exhilarating for me. It was something that I have waited for a long time. He was a little shaky as he figured out how to maneuver it and tighten it but once he got the hang of it he was a natural. He ordered me to my knees as he stood and pulled his dick out in front of my face. I will never forget my first look up at him with the chain tightened around my neck and face red from lack of air – his eyes widened and pupils dilated. His mouth slightly opened and the chain tightened. I cannot tell you if his reaction was intentional or unintentional but I can tell you it sent chills down my spine. It was amazing!
His dominant side peeked through for a little bit and he let it roam freely. He did not shy away from making demands, pulling the chain tight, or smacking me across the face. With the chain blocking the last bit of oxygen and blood flow he asked me which would happen first would I pass out or stop sucking dick. He should know better, I am not going to stop sucking on him! While I’m laid out on the bed he declares that it is time to put the chain up. Disappointment set in but just as quickly faded when I realized that he was stopping because of the marks on my neck. It would be hard to explain away the dark bruises when we went into work on Monday. After taking it off, I went back to giving his dick some attention. He needed a picture of the sexy marks on my neck and his dick in my mouth. Beautiful!
The experience was amazing. The bond I feel with him now is a million times stronger than it ever was. Same for the love and desire. It’s amazing how something so small can hold such big results. Even though I feel like the flood gates have been opened, and I am anxious to do so much more, I know that I must be patient and respectful to the one I love. I am free from my restraints but I must leisurely walk with him hand in hand down this path.
I could not have asked for a better introduction. I felt like I got the opportunity to introduce him to a world I love so much along with the opportunity to reintroduce myself to the old me and all the glorious things that I missed about her. Welcome back sweetie – don’t be a stranger…