I began this journey with the backing and support of a partner whom I loved and believed to be worthy of sharing a life with. More worthy than any other partner I had shared time with. This evening, as I lay on the couch knowing that partnership is coming to a close I also reflect on this journey.
My heart is breaking into pieces. Quite honestly I had forgotten what this felt like. The excruciating sting that steals your breath. The heat of your blood as it is saturated with rage and betrayal.
All I want is to ease these pains. I want to feel the comforting warmth of arms wrapped around me letting me know that everything will be ok. Then I think of my anchor in this journey. Knowing that no longer exists, I also know that reverting back to unlimited physical pleasure blocks any pain that may be taking up residence inside my body.
I love who I am and what I do. It is the pain of one person that I loved immensely that I was trying to spare. He sure as hell spared me no pain – nor did he even recognize the effort required on my part to remain devoted to him.
Hmmm will this blog be shifting journeys? We shall see my friends – we shall see..