What Am I Fighting For?

I began this journey with the backing and support of a partner whom I loved and believed to be worthy of sharing a life with.  More worthy than any other partner I had shared time with.  This evening, as I lay on the couch knowing that partnership is coming to a close I also reflect on this journey.

My heart is breaking into pieces.  Quite honestly I had forgotten what this felt like.  The excruciating sting that steals your breath.  The heat of your blood as it is saturated with rage and betrayal.

All I want is to ease these pains.  I want to feel the comforting warmth of arms wrapped around me letting me know that everything will be ok.  Then I think of my anchor in this journey.  Knowing that no longer exists, I also know that reverting back to unlimited physical pleasure blocks any pain that may be taking up residence inside my body.

I love who I am and what I do.  It is the pain of one person that I loved immensely that I was trying to spare.  He sure as hell spared me no pain – nor did he even recognize the effort required on my part to remain devoted to him.

Hmmm will this blog be shifting journeys?  We shall see my friends – we shall see..


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